The Longest Night

Isn't it funny how a little ball of fur is so comforting?
Isn’t it funny how a little ball of fur is so comforting?

I couldn’t open the laundry room door and the dogs were trapped inside. They were whining, tears were streaming down my face. Convinced that an intruder stood on my back porch, I clung to the screwdriver in my hand, sobbing for my dogs to come out and bark and scare the person away. Logically, deep down, I know the handle is broken, but I was convinced my dead grandfather held the door shut, cackling as he aided my attacker in his plot to take my life.

That was one night this week.

Another, I pulled out a broken tooth in three pieces–two not so loose and bloody as can be–after treating mysterious bug bites on the kid, failing at plunging the clogged toilet with our dilapidated plunger, losing work and answering emails, Facebook messages and texts for three hours (many of which I really couldn’t help with; I’m not a tech wizard). Most weeks I have a few to dozens of emails about everything from how to homeschool to how to be a freelance writer–so many I’ve written long posts to point people in that direction–but I’ve been answering for at least 2 hours a day–sometimes 4 hours–all week. This usually happens in September and January, sure, but it never seems to get easier.

Lack of sleep has a role to play here, but my nightly paranoia and panic attacks coupled with daily temper tantrums may have some roots in the season (weather, political, whatever). I ran across a post from Terri Windling’s Myth & Moor today that resonated with the chaos of my body and mind, and in it she shared this video.

The Longest Night from Angie Pickman on Vimeo.

If that brings you comfort, it makes me glad. It gave me comfort, too.

After announcing to the world (aka Facebook) that I won’t be around for question-answering for a couple of days, I closed my laptop, had a snack with my daughter (yes, not eating probably plays into this madness on occasion) and snuggled. Then she asked if I could help her install a Minecraft texture pack. If you know me, you know that you might as well be speaking a dead language, but I gave it a shot and pulled it off. Her joy at having a Doctor Who theme made is so worth it. It felt so good to get something right, to incite joy in someone, to watch her dance around happily because she can put posters of Christopher Eccleston on top of the crude, chunky game graphics. I’m so fortunate–every day I love to be around this happy, funny, clever, kind girl and I wonder what I did that was good enough to give me the chance to be her mom.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer wrote, “It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.” I’m off to do just that. I knew this week would be hard. Indy’s working 60 hours training for his new job and we are both experiencing, to put it mildly, “rough days.” Like this wolf, we just have to keep on walking.

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Things I Love Thursday

Leia and Wicket, courtesy of Indy this past Christmas.
Leia and Wicket, courtesy of Indy this past Christmas.

It’s been a topsy turvey kind of week filled with joy, anxiety, fun, despair, and just about everything in between! January always sneaks up on me like that. I get so high on the prospect of new beginnings, my new planner and journal, goal setting and New Year’s, my second-favorite holiday, and bam, here’s a doldrums pie to the face! And as proud as I usually am at year’s end after meeting many of my goals, I’ll be the first to admit that I set way. Too. Many.

Here are a few things that I am loving this week.

Goofy photo filters. I’ve never tried them until this week, and it was a newish one that I’d never seen before. In one of many melancholy moments I just tried it on a whim and it made me laugh. Totally worth it.

Perspective. I’ve used that word on almost every single gratitude list this month. As soon as you choose to see things differently, to see something from a different perspective, everything changes.

Cozy blankets and my bed. I’ve not been there much this week but when I have, it’s been a refuge.

Understanding friends who get it. Some are having a much tougher time than I am right now. 9 out of 10 women, and many men, that I know are dealing with too-full plates and/or chronic pain right now and I just wish I could heal all of it.

Amazing opportunities that this life gives us. Wood Sprite does so many cool things in her life and many of them are courtesy of thoughtful homeschoolers who set things up.

What are you loving this week?

The Tuesday Currents

Our Valentine countdown box!
Our Valentine countdown box!

Currently…

Rocking to… The Dirty Dancing soundtrack. And it’s in stereo. Wood Sprite watched it for the first time this weekend and couldn’t get enough of it.

Drinking… Tea

Reading… Deadpool Kills Deadpool.

Writing… All of the same things as last week, plus lots of correspondence. The new semester’s coming (or started, depending on which group you’re talking about) so lots of questions and need for support are coming my way! I’ve spent several hours assisting members, new or otherwise, in two different homeschool groups every day this week so far and many last week as well. While I enjoy being helpful, it does take some good time management, like anything else!

Planning… 4-H activities, rides to events while Indy finishes his training this week, co-op class registration, book promos (I’ve got a second edition releasing Friday), 4-H teen conference, a Valentine’s dance, co-op classes, Scout cookie sales with Wood Sprite.

Making… Blankets for Project Linus and dog toys for the Humane Society with my 4-H kids, Valentine’s hearts with Wood Sprite (I’d tell you what hers say but I don’t think she’d be happy about it!), a feral drawing of me at my worst last week, hopefully a thin behind-the-couch table this weekend.

Wanting...  An enormous sugar cookie iced latte.

Things I Love Thursday

KIMG01651Friday is Thursday this week because I’m so foggy I don’t know what day it is, mmkay? If you see Thor, let him know I’ve found Mjolnir. It’s on my head.

Things I’m loving this week…

Saline solution, water, cough drops, tissues, you get the idea. Yes, again.

Seeing friends at the library! We’ve been to two library playdates this week and both were lots of fun.

Riding home with friends!

Nyquil-induced dreams about Luke Cage. Yes, that’s a picture off my office wall…

People buying cookies from Wood Sprite and supporting her troop.

Volunteering at Brenden’s Friday Backpacks. They ALWAYS need food so please give when you can.

Swimming with Wood Sprite.

Last week’s 4-H Energizer.

Skating with Scouts. Well, I didn’t skate, but it was fun to visit with parents there!

What are you loving this week?

 

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